E mail...."Dear RM...........you are the only one who will ever believe my story, so I'm hoping you publish this e mail so the world will know the truth. Please don't use my real name"........
Sure, whatever you say, dude. I'm publishing it now. Here it is:
My Mom was abducted by a Nazi in Germany just before the end of World War II and held in a basement prison then abandoned to slowly starve because the guard deserted when it was obvious that the country had lost the war, so she chewed thru the iron bars with her teeth, walked thru the the Black Forest dressed in a female SS Officer's uniform and when she got to the other side encountered an old boy friend from high school who was now a sailor trying to get away from the ravaged county and they both sailed to South Africa where Mom met a young unknown lawyer from India who became known as Mahatma Gandhi when he returned to his homeland. Just before the Mahatma dedicated his life to celibacy Mom and the Mahatma shared a night of passion that resulted in my birth, but the Mahatma's advisers had her banished from that country as to not embarrassment cause to his political prospects so she took her new infant and walked across the subcontinent of India to the shore where she stole a small craft and rowed us both back to the US. On the way were attacked by Somali pirates who surrendered to Mom after she killed seven of them with her bare hands and ate the heart of the their leader after which the remaining pirated decided to work for Mom (in order to stay alive) and they took us to the sands of the east coast of Florida where Mom got a job as a cleaning lady for the rich people of Boca Raton and married a real estate mogul who adopted me but it turned out he wasn't an actual millionaire but a space alien infiltrating the local elite in order to see how advanced human civilisation had advanced and if it would be able to defeat the human race war. After finding out about this mission from papers left behind after the evil alien died at the hands of Mom, she went to the South Pole to find the Portal of the Lizard People in the Hollow Earth and fought off humanoid like crocodiles and dinosaur like creatures killing most of them and saving the world. She fought valiantly but in the end was defeated by being in the rear of a particularly gas riddled Pterodactyl and died of flatulence poisoning. As usual I was by her side trying to help but being of little assistance, so as per her wishes I cremated her on the spot, which frankly was really easy considering the flammable nature of dinosaur flatulence. Rest in Peace, Mom.
RM's response:
Dude, you may want to contact the makers of this movie. I think they owe you royalties:
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